That Point in Life

Have you ever gotten to that point in your life where you have achieved all the short term goals that you were supposed to achieve, look around, and found it to be dull? 

I don’t mean dull as in boring. I mean dull as in lacking any value, or substance. That is where I am at right now.

In May of last year (2011) I moved back to Chicago. I moved here to die. The universe, or God, had other plans. 

I’ve achieved relative success at the job I have. After a full year of temping for them, they want to hire me. I’ve achieved a certain amount of fame and infamy within the Occupy Wall Street Movement. My health is being restored.  But, what of it?   

• The job barely pays a reasonable living wage for Chicago. I bring in more money in a day than they pay me in a month. Somehow, I am supposed to be thankful for that.

• At best I am tolerated by the hipsters and revolutionaries of Occupy Chicago because I do see things differently. Yes, folks, both hipsters and revolutionaries do exist within the Occupation.

• I’ve stopped smoking, and joined a gym, and both have actually increased my overhead not lowered it. 

So, here I sit, on this Sunday morning, wondering “WTF?”

I am still alive, however, and at liberty to ask that question to all who will read it; I guess that is something. I guess I have to be grateful for the small things, ‘cause there are few big things left coming down the time line. I am only writing this to attempt to overcome a writer’s block.

As far as I can tell Occupy Chicago is building some kind of community. From my perspective it looks like a loosely knit sub-culture of righteous, discontented and disenfranchised people. They come together on Saturday and Wednesday at 7:00 PM at Michigan and Congress (the Horse) to vent their frustrations, plan their actions, and make connections. I give ‘me hell on Twitter (and here) from time to time, but they are a pretty good group of people. It is hard for me to call ‘em a community, however.

I see ‘em more as an activist club (not too different from MoveOn.Org). When viewed within that context they are excellent at what they do. They are, however, no different from the larger Chicago society when it comes to addressing dissension within their ranks. And they are no different when it comes to back room deals and politicking. Those who oppose the conventional wisdom of the group are eventually driven off. At this point in the game, being just under a year old, one cannot expect too much more out of them. 

They are still trying to learn who they are, where they fit in the larger picture, and how to best function in that context. Honestly, if they get too homogeneous and vanilla they will be just like the same old bastards who have brought this nation to its knees over the past 30 years. 

Having writing all that, I am still trying to figure out my next move.

Pagan Tarot Deck; Utilizing Feminist Imagery for Divination.